for four twelve year old, boy crazy girls....

So...It's been awhile. And it's been a busy long while, full of preparations, to do's and last minute fun times. I would call them last minute goodbye times, but goodbyes always sound far too final and impersonal. So I'm going to call them fun times.
I'm feeling good about how the way things are playing out these last three weeks before my mission. I'm getting a lot done and squared away. I still don't comprehend the length of year and a half, but i understand it more and more every day. I got a 4.0 GPA, I have my leave of absence in, I finally got a real driver's license (Yay!) and my tetnus and Hep A shots are done. Now all I have to do is start packing and pick up a few last minute items that I may have forgotten. 19 days! :D It is a really exciting thing to finally be leaving. I get to go out and serve the Lord. Sacrifice my time for God (D&C 4:4) and help others to be happy. I am grateful for friends who keep my prespective in line, who remind me when I forget. (Things that are sure: 1- God 2- Love 3- Change) I won't be forgotten and I'll come back and be blessed and happy. "Be of good cheer..." (1 John 16:33) I'm grateful that prayers are answered. I woke up this morning after a rough night of questions and tears (what else, I cry too much. I cry when I'm sad, angry, happy, frustrated, upset, guiltridden...) to have my eyes come across President Monson's talk on change and enduring it well.
"Our future is as bright as our faith." That really struck me. I realize that it is when I lose prespective on my goals, life spirals and I have a hard time forgetting myself and I wallow. But when I am faithful, and believe in myself and have something to strive for, the murkiness isn't so intimidating anymore. Anyway, his talk was an answer to prayers. I'm grateful God is sure and consistant. My mission is the most important thing in the world to me. Even when I cry about leaving.
I went to Lagoon today. Blast from the past I tell you what! I got to goof off with a bunch of twelve year old boy crazy girls. It was nuts. Fun, exhausting, worth it. I feel like a bad "babysitter" because I didn't make one of them drink enough water and I think she might've gotten heat stroke. Disorientation and nausea and the like....I will learn from that that's for sure. It was fun, but I think I've had my fill of Lagoon for the next three years or so.
I am exhausted so I think I will hit the hay. I would just like to end with a few last things.
get better
thank you for the blanket, I love it.
please don't get married while i'm gone?...or if you do, make sure it's someone I like.
thank you for hearing me.
thank you for letting me cry.
Find ways to be happy.


Sweetheart
How I miss your heart
Beating next to mine

The right words
Were always hard to find
When all our time was fine
When darling you were mine, all mine

And I know, I know you had no choice
But I how I miss your voice
Singing right with mine

Flesh of my flesh
Soul of my soul
I come back home

All this darkness, cannot hurt us
Cause they made you from the light
Here on birthplace, don't be nervous
You will make it through, this night

Sweetheart
How I miss your heart
Beating next to mine

Flesh of my flesh
Soul of my soul
I come back home

For mothers...

Happy Mother's Day to all the mother's out there! Not that any mother's read my blog...but I tried. I don't know if anyone reads my blog...but again, I try.
Truly, mother's are amazing. I once babysat for four rambuncious boys, loved it but promised myself I would not do that again. At least for a few years. It is literally a full time job and I don't know how my mom managed to deal with even the first three of us so well. And after she lost 85 pounds, she has become my hero for sticking to her guns and exercising willpower to the extreme, something I have very little of. Being a mother is an all in one job, plus they have to go through labor, which honestly sounds like one of th emost painful things in the world. And yet, I still want to be a mother one day. I must be crazy? but everyone already knew that. In fact, I want a larger family, maybe four or five kids, maybe because that's how I was raised and I find sisters/siblings really fun, despite the arguments and fights. I just hope I can be a good mom, as good as my mom.
It's been a really good mother's day. I was going to go to church with Jessika but when I remembered it was mother's day I was torn. Both were good options. As I was thinking about it, the talk "Good, Better, Best" from Elder Scott(I think) popped into my head. I knew it was Best to stay home with mom for mother's day dinner and cake. Luckily Jessika understood. The cabin is going to be lots of fun time with Jessika. We leave this friday! Yay! It'll be purely awesome.
It was worth staying home. I finally got my topic for speaking. I have a few ideas but I'm not sure where I'll go with it. AND lunch/dinner was marvelous. Fresh Halibut fish with rice and jello and salad. Mmmmm... and my mom liked her present.
There is so much to do before I leave! But not really getting ready stuff. I have most of that done. It's more on the "final hangouts", things to do before I go list. Go to the Zoo, Go to the Aquarium, Go to the Planetarium, Go to Settebello's at least once more, go to my sister's first softball game(i'm so proud she is following in my footsteps, and the coach says she's a natural), take lots of pictures, go to jess's cabin, prepare my talk, pack, so much to do so little time! I'm sure I'll get it done.
Well, it is time for the season finale of the amazing race. Yay for family traditions!

For the finished...

My Jounior year at the U is finished. That's right, things have wrapped up and tied with a bow to remember for the rest of my life. I'm feeling extremely nostalgic right now.
I'm not usually one for regrets. I find regrets pointless because it's not like you can go back and change it now. I mean take what you learn from it and move on. I have loved and hated this year both. The adjusting to the change of enviorment opened my eyes to how much I don't know. Sometimes I unfortunately regretting how I lived my life this past year. Not that I regret my friends or experiences at all, but simply that I didn't experience more. I didn't go out of my way to break out of my shell as much as I could've and as a result I probably missed out on some wonderful friendships and experiences. But like I said, taking what I learned into the future and moving, that will not be happening again. I loved the past year and I have found puzzle pieces to my life in the people and experiences I have been able to have. Blossoming under Kathy Pope's instruction, experiencing the wonderful bands of Bishop Allen, The Decemberists and Lavender Diamond, amazing dedicated friends, turning in my mission papers, the firm decision that I want to teach, the amazing education with amazing teachers, drawing closer to my family, going through the temple...so on and so forth. It's been a wonderful year, and I'm sorry to those who had to put up with my spirits of not so wonderfulness.
"Every person in this world knows something that you don't know..." This was a small part of a speech given at commencment yesterday. She was inspiring and I loved this thought. I'm going to learn all I can from the people I come in contact with.
I leave for my mission in 33 days! What a scary thought. The following month is full of packing, playing and studying and I'm supra excited to finally get going. It almost seems surreal, like I've waited so long for it and I can't even comprehend I'll be gone for a year and half. That's a long time. But I'll be arriving in Phoenix on June 30th and will be there so obviously I won't dissappear from off the face of the earth. Thank goodness for letters! *hint hint*
I had to say goodbye to a couple really good friends yesterday. Goodbyes are extremely hard for me, so I'm not sure how i'll handle the farewell thing...probably bawl. which is bad because becasue I don't really want peolple to remember me red eyed and puffy faced for the next year and a half. Hopefully I can keep my tear ducts in check.
I know a few people are putting on brave faces for my sake and that my leaving isn't a happy thing, family friends and such, but they all support me so much. I appreciate their enthusiasm on my behalf even if they are struggling. I'd just like to say Please do not dwell on the past and forget what amazing things lay ahead of them in the future if they are willing to go for it. We went to Settebello's and had a great time eatign the most delicious pizza on the planet. I said goodbye to dear Jim, who I know I'll see again in several years. I'm so proud of him. (Ultimate nostalgic song ever = "Time of your life" by Green Day...i don't actually think it's called that but it's what I call it.) after, I went to Sam's hiking portion of her party which was pretty fun becuase there was lots of snow in the mountains. What could be cooler then snowball fights in May? We didn't actually make it to the falls cause of the snow, but it was fun none the less. We all migrated to sam's house for more pizza, junk food and fun games. John Allred, a really well known local singer, whom sam loves, showed up and it pretty much made her night. An intense game of apples to apples ensued and it was wonderful. "Lucious, smart, fragrant, Glamorous, Crazed and Chunky." this is what Apples to Apples sees me as. It was probably one of the msot halarious games of that game I've ever played. We finally made it back to my house and at one in the morning, (a whole 19 and a half hours after i woke up) I was finally able to fall into bed and sleep. It was glorious.
Anyway, I must finish curling my hair...why do i put myself through this? Idk...
See you soon!

For perspective...

There seems to be a pattern developing in my life. I feel great for a couple days, meh for a day or so, and some days, usually fridays, I become an emotional monster, so look out! I make mountains out of molehills and I feel terrible for the people I subject my headaches to. I suppose studying for finals (why is it that I study so hard for so long and still hardly get anywhere, when many can study for an hour, or sometimes not at all, and they get just as good grades as I do?) and the whole immenant biggest change of my life thing doesn't help the whole emotions thing.
Feelings I should be feeling aren't there and vic versa. Feelings are overrated, but unavoidable and that is annoying.

Things I love(in no particular order): God, family, education, friends, letters, emails, facebook notifications, music, clarinet, scriptures, Jesus Christ, trees, photography, camping, the sun being warm, laying on the grass in the sun being warm, computer, Presdient Thomas S. Monson, general conference, beds/pillows, fire, talking to people until all hours of the morning, weddings, baby blessings, family get-togethers, money security in a time of economic struggle, working headphones, Hot Chocolate, Ice Cream, Writing, Reading, peace, epiphanies, UTA/public transportation...to be continued...

It's amazing what perspective can do....Back to Mozart, Hayden and Peroglesi...