for nights like these...

Some nights are for thinking. You know the type, when your mind seems to be wrapped up in past and future both at the same time and a sense of nostalgia sweeps over you, but excitement and a little of fear of the future push their way into your gut? The 'shoulda coulda woulda's" tugging at the heart strings and the shoulds woulds coulds seem to be so many. I'm not sure why, but the acoustic guitar always seems to be the instrument of choice at times like this...weird.
tonight, is one of those nights.
I can't help but feel tangible change push into my life. (tangible isn't the right word, but sometimes, it doesn't matter). It's a simple anaology but it's like the changeing of the seasons that I love so much. The seasons changing is something that I really love about Utah. Exciting, crisp, fresh. That's how i feel now, and perhaps it's amplified by the first appearance of something that was trying to be a spring rain yesterday. But in any case, there is a shift that has occured, even within the last week. I'm trying not to be afraid of it.
General Conference begins tomorrow. Or rather...later today. I am more than excited to have the church gathering and to hear the words of God through his prophets, and for the oppirtunity to assemble together. Thank you technology! Despite the views of any, no one can deny what a wonderful, truly charitable person President Thomas S. Monson is. I'm so excited to hear his soothing, comforting voice, telling his silly stories and telling us what God wants us to hear as a whole. (*shakes head* him and his photographic memory.) I'm grateful God does speak through him.
I know i get frustrated a lot. I know I make big deals out of little deals. I know "it's just a movie" and I know I should be in bed. I know people put up with so much from me. I get jealous and sometimes wish for things I shouldn't wish for and it makes me sick to think of things I've done/not done to make people hurt. I'm not the best at understanding and listening. I'm simply still getting the hang of this tightwire balance game called life...but I'm working on it. Slowly but surely pressing forward. So truly thank you to all those who love and forgive me for my short comings, which sometimes makes me overwhelmed and frustrated, which just makes the people around me more amazing because the put up with me being frustrated and hard headed! What a silly little vicious cycle.
Life is beautiful...just as my favorite movie of the week iterates. If you haven't ever seen it, i encourage you to. right now. serioulsy, go out and see it, and I promise you won't regret it. I've never been one to dislike life, there are so many little excitments and things to notice to dislike it, but, there is something about life that is so...that seems so...full of vitality? lol well..duh...I understand what I feel but not what I say so why say things at all? It just makes me sound like I'm being ridiculous. Well, maybe that's not such a bad thing.