for the weekend...

Aaahh, weekends. A refreshing breeze of lazy procrastination I always seem to need.
I made it through the week and I for one feel that to be a wonderful accomplishment. Full of concerts, tests, homework, reading and everything, I wasn't sure what battle wounds I might recieve, but I made it out with barely a scratch. In fact, my renewed sense of direction in life is refreshing. I remembered why music is my major and for the first time in my life I don't feel like I'm drowning in homework and finals at the end of the semester. It's more of a wading against waste deep current at this point.
Fifty three days until I leave on my mission. Where does the time go?
Seventeen days until I'm officially done with my Jr. Year of college. I've made it this far! (But am considering a change...Dun, dun, duuuun. Who'd've thunk?)
Fourteen days until I am able to go to through the temple. How exciting!
Three days until I play in master class. Wish me luck!
Today was a good day. I went to Orem with two dear friends from high school (clarinets rule!). We went to the sister missionary mall and i bought some final touches on some final outfits and I'm quite pleased with how things went down. Bed bath and beyond was next and we just spent an hour or so just look at shower heads and bathroom towels! It was quite fun and made me want to have my own apartment to decorate however i want to. I'm thinking green tones for the bathroom. I also think it would be fascinating to base some of my "interior decorating" around the photos I take. I love photography...a lot.

Sometimes I just get so frustrated with my lack of ability to help people. I care about and worry about people. It's just what I do. I want to help. I have this strong, overwhelming desire to do so. But, I lack the tact and the ability for it. It seems what little comfort I have to offer, what little of myself I can give, they won't take and dismiss with a "you just don't understand." And I don't. I don't understand, and I probably wouldn't know what to do with it if I did have that understanding. I see people suffering and hurting and I feel like I have to be happy for everyone and when I can't be,(sometimes i'm not happy enough for myself) I just give up and shrink back and have to endure watching them be miserable, waiting for them to be okay. I pray they'll be okay, and i pray that i'll be able to be there when they are.