Contrary to popular belief, Valentine's day was not invented by the hallmark card company to make more money and give reason to feel particularly sick to one's stomach about that recent break up many experience, inconveniently around this time of year. Conflicting google search results (shocking) give a wide variety of explanations about the origin of the holiday, but there is a consensus. It is ancient and usually is connected with bloodbaths or war.
I will not mince words. I have a very difficult time with this holiday. I think the biggest difficulty I have with it is that it gets to me every year. The more I fight, the more I try to ignore it, somehow in some ways I ALWAYS feel a little less loved on this day. Ironic yes? And perhaps it is the fact that it's been thrown in my face over and over this week that I am, once again, single. The hurting kind of single- clearly and recently and newly single. Not the bad kind, just the hurting, heavy kind. "I was a heavy heart to carry."
I do have a few thoughts of love these days. It's wonderful to feel surrounded by the Love of others and I have been blessed with a life full of love. Loving parents, loving sisters, loving roommates, and most important a Loving God. Taking these things for granted most of my life, it's overwhelming how evident these things have been in the past few weeks, which have been, to be quite honest, some of the most difficult emotionally I can remember. I LOVE that love never stops loving. The more it is generated the more it generates in order to generate more.
Friday, October 11, 2013
For words like lillies...
Oh how I miss words!
Publishing an old post five months late, I have come to realize how fantastic it is to share meaningful, true, albeit simple words. It is the truth about these words that makes them powerful I think. Just one of oh-so-many learnings from the countless hours of band wagon deep discussions.
That's right, ladies and gents, I literally "hopped on the band wagon" every day for my entire summer. (betcha didn't see that joke coming ;-P) And we did come to love that mode of transportation, whipping through old nauvoo at a head whirling pace of 2 MPH, gracing the streets with our music as a 16 piece band. How many times in your life have you ridden a band wagon?! Now I can say I have at least 100 times. I didn't just ride either, I was PART of the band on the band wagon. Check that off the bucket list. (confession: sometimes when I do unexpected wonderful things, I add them to my bucket list just so I can check them off. It feels that I'm accomplishing something with my life)
Long summer short, it was an incredible, dross burning, out of my comfort zone, wonderful, at times horrible, very difficult 3 and a half months. I wouldn't trade it for the world. Come chat, we'll talk Nauvoo sometime if you are interested and I will tell you all about the stories, the senior missionaries, the root beer at the red brick store, the lillypads on the river, the testimonies that exponentially grew, the living across the street from the Nauvoo temple, the eye opening discussions and quiet, desprate moments of prayer. You get the idea. And just in case you were wondering, consider the lillies, God always makes good on His promises. I am not destitute and starving and I have a direction in life.
Currently, some new adventures include getting a full time job at a daycare/preschool, playing the bass clarinet in the murray symphony and three of my very dear best friends getting married within the next six months. Bring it on!
Love you all, my faithful few.
Publishing an old post five months late, I have come to realize how fantastic it is to share meaningful, true, albeit simple words. It is the truth about these words that makes them powerful I think. Just one of oh-so-many learnings from the countless hours of band wagon deep discussions.
That's right, ladies and gents, I literally "hopped on the band wagon" every day for my entire summer. (betcha didn't see that joke coming ;-P) And we did come to love that mode of transportation, whipping through old nauvoo at a head whirling pace of 2 MPH, gracing the streets with our music as a 16 piece band. How many times in your life have you ridden a band wagon?! Now I can say I have at least 100 times. I didn't just ride either, I was PART of the band on the band wagon. Check that off the bucket list. (confession: sometimes when I do unexpected wonderful things, I add them to my bucket list just so I can check them off. It feels that I'm accomplishing something with my life)
Long summer short, it was an incredible, dross burning, out of my comfort zone, wonderful, at times horrible, very difficult 3 and a half months. I wouldn't trade it for the world. Come chat, we'll talk Nauvoo sometime if you are interested and I will tell you all about the stories, the senior missionaries, the root beer at the red brick store, the lillypads on the river, the testimonies that exponentially grew, the living across the street from the Nauvoo temple, the eye opening discussions and quiet, desprate moments of prayer. You get the idea. And just in case you were wondering, consider the lillies, God always makes good on His promises. I am not destitute and starving and I have a direction in life.
Currently, some new adventures include getting a full time job at a daycare/preschool, playing the bass clarinet in the murray symphony and three of my very dear best friends getting married within the next six months. Bring it on!
Love you all, my faithful few.
For the deserving...
Here is a mystery for you. It's easier to find one seat alone than two together and yet we still prefer the latter. THAT is a mystery and a miracle.
Another one for you to consider, big things are nice but the small things are better, especially if small things are grouped together. People are best.
And again? I DO want to go but I do not want to leave. That is the honest truth. It is exciting to prepare to go out and serve the Lord again, in a way that will utalize the gifts He has given me. People will come from all over the world to feel the spirit of Nauvoo and I get to contribute to the spirit. What an honor and a privilage! It's not even the grueling 12 plus hour days that worries me. As many of you know I have been called as a performing missionary in the Nauvoo Brass Band! All summer, I will be hanging out with 15 others just about as nerdy as me playing for the people who visit beautiful Nauvoo. Can you say dream mission?
It's hard to leave, though. Even if only for three and a half months. Drain my "savings", give a sweet summer away, knowing I have very little if any direction for when I return. I suppose thats what the Lord gave us the anecdote to consider the lillies, how they grow.
How dare you, heart, making commitments without my permission! Well, that's stretching the truth a bit.
Another one for you to consider, big things are nice but the small things are better, especially if small things are grouped together. People are best.
And again? I DO want to go but I do not want to leave. That is the honest truth. It is exciting to prepare to go out and serve the Lord again, in a way that will utalize the gifts He has given me. People will come from all over the world to feel the spirit of Nauvoo and I get to contribute to the spirit. What an honor and a privilage! It's not even the grueling 12 plus hour days that worries me. As many of you know I have been called as a performing missionary in the Nauvoo Brass Band! All summer, I will be hanging out with 15 others just about as nerdy as me playing for the people who visit beautiful Nauvoo. Can you say dream mission?
It's hard to leave, though. Even if only for three and a half months. Drain my "savings", give a sweet summer away, knowing I have very little if any direction for when I return. I suppose thats what the Lord gave us the anecdote to consider the lillies, how they grow.
How dare you, heart, making commitments without my permission! Well, that's stretching the truth a bit.
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