for those who fear fear....

Perhaps The Biggest Looser motivation-to-evaluate-and-change-my-life-for-the-better bug has me caught. Maybe it's the inspiring back up music as we viewers relate to the lives of those changing on the show, or maybe it's the intensely predictable but oh-so-effective deceiving commercial breaks leaving us in anticipation for those silly beeping numbers to finally settle.  In any case, reflecting upon the past seems to often be at the forefrtont of my mind.

Events have occurred, discussions have been had and decisions have been made in the past couple days that have led me to face the obvious truth that I am no longer the Melanie Pehrson of 2 years ago.  Perhaps it's more accurate to say that I have certainly grown out of and from that Melanie that 2 years ago had no idea what lessons the Supreme Creator had in store for me.  So many people have been patient as I have struggled, fought and dragged myself through slim, muck, snow, rearenders, breakups, poor scores, low self esteem...all sorts of mists of darkness.

 As I have mentioned before, days, weeks and sometimes months I felt like I did nothing but fall backwards, submitting over and over to mediocrity at best, which fortunately blew holes in my pride every time.  But something miraculous was happening all along that process that still I'm just comprehending.  Heavenly Father is doing exactly what he said he would do!  Imagine that.  The Omniscient, Omnipotent  Being has lived up to His Word.  I feel my heart and motivation changing.  I feel love purer than ever for myself and for those around me and I am learning the ever-learned lesson that through faith, everything that is expedient for me to accomplish what I need to accomplish will be given.

Sifting through doubts does more than ignoring doubts ever did.  Considering them, examining why they are there, analyzing their validity and putting them in their proper place is much more effective for me than pushing them aside, trying to avoid, fearing that some great truth might come by and, Heaven forbid, help me realize that I might need to change a few things. 


These are the scattered 1:30AM thoughts of a girl who isn't feeling quite at home right now, in a house sitting job in a condo that is not my own. Who am I, really?  Not who I was two years ago.  Starting now, I don't have to be tied down by my doubts or fears or even my fears of my doubts.