for all your prayers...

Warning: Prayer Works! When you pray for strength, a change of heart and more sincere love, you will have all the opportunities necessary to fulfill that request. This concept has never been quite as clear to me as it is now. I look back on the past year and a half of my life and think of the general thought processes and how they have changed. I remember that in august of last year, I asked sincerely (maybe for the first time with pure sincerity) that my motives would be purified, my love for others would be more sincere and that my faith would be strengthened. I also understood that up to that point, I have had very little trials in my life- at least ones that were anything more than superfluous. Silly me I even thought to myself "Man, I have it easy!" I suppose that is something that should never be thought to anyone, especially myself. I felt so good and content. I felt the spirit strongly often in my life and had the distinct impression of hope. I also recall feeling a little bit of anticipation for the opportunities ahead. Returning to school, receiving a degree, romanticizing about friends, family and good times. Amongst all this I do remember one time in particular when I received a strong impression to not harden my heart and to increase in charity. Unfortunately, of that impression I had a very shallow understanding. Little did I know how these little impressions would prepare me for the road that lay ahead and for the journey I am still on, probably only just beginning. Though less than visible, mostly internal, the trials of my life have been refining and numerous, and i suspect they will continue to be. I believe I've forgotten that doing the things the gospel suggests do not eliminate our trials, no matter how difficult or even unbearable they seem...their heaviness is simply lightened. I believe it's a blessing that I was given the gift of determination to prove something to myself and to Heavenly Father. I feel like this big ball of mistakes sometimes, but for some reason I'm still here and every day I hope to say "I'll try again today and try my hardest and my best" Sometimes I wonder if I'll ever feel like myself again. Sometimes I wonder if I should just stop and switch from getting one useless degree to another. I don't regret the knowledge and skill...just the degree choice. Maybe I'll do something crazy like take a photography class or go hang gliding or something amazing that I love. Elementary ed maybe? Every 24 year old mormon girls dream right? I just wanted to thank everyone for their love and patience and hope. You are all examples of perseverance, happiness and strength. Not the superficial physical kind but the kind that is deep. You have no idea how much of an impression you have made on me. Some great experiences have happened to me this past year and it has been wonderful, I don't want to give the impression that it's all been dismal and hopeless, because I have learned so much about myself about friendship, love and the gospel. I love going on adventures and it's been a mild winter for which I am grateful. I have had very special moments reminding me that it's okay to keep going and that there are hands, unseen and seen, that are lifting me, rooting for me, and fighting on my side, Just as I know that battles are being fought for you. This summer has a lot of great things in store for it because we are gonna make it so! We've already hit the zoo, the natural history museum, temple trip galour, and soon camping at Zion's, going to nauvoo to be spiritually edified and enlightened (after a 22 hour bus ride? YIKES!), summer classes, family reunions and so much time spent outside! This summer the sun and I are going to be good friends. If anyone wants any excuse to go strengthen their relationship with the sun also, please let me know and we'll schedule something wonderful. Today I felt hopeful, which is probably why I've had the courage to write this right now. I was looking out the window and I feel that our pains and struggles are not in vain.